Pity Party
I'm struggling. I'm so upset with myself that I can't be (what society deems)normal. I can't hold a cocktail up to a camera and smile on a night out and know that it won't graduate to 3 bottles of wine and a bottle of gin . Because it always will. I can't just go for an after work drink as it'll end in a bottle of gin. It always will. I'm struggling with altering changed behaviour and I'm failing. I'm utterly miserable in life at the moment. I'm not failing but I'm down. I just don't like abstinence ( fucking hate it. But I can't control my drink no matter what) Since I cried myself to sleep new years eve, I've not stopped thinking of my relationship with booze. I don't beat myself up about it but I know it won't take much to get me back on the 5 bottles of Brandy a week ifI'm not careful and I've not had Brandy since I began my reduction and turned to gin and that's at least last June. The naltrex...