Giving up alcohol.(it's worth a shot)

 🎶oh the weather outside is frightful, and shopping is NOT delightful.. So many triggers out here at the moment because of the Festive season. It's so fecking drink orientated, it's unreal. TV adverts,cooking shows, staff nights out. Never ending reminder of what I've given up/ living without/ missing out on ( delete as appropriate) An example and definitely the biggest trigger for me at this current time.  Food shopping!  Now over the months, I've come to avoid the alcohol aisles. Makes perfect sense- I don't buy it any more. The same as I don't go down the baby food aisle. So shopping is generally problem free.  Apart from in the festive period when they extend the drinks aisle to pretty much every other fecking aisle. It's fecking everywhere! I could do with some cheese.. HEY! HEY YOU! YOU KNOW WHAT GOES WITH CHEESE?? WINE! LOOK AT THESE OFFERS!!! 6 BOTTLES FOR 30 QUID!  Oh, whilst I'm here, I'll pick up some milk."HEY! WHILST YOU'RE HER...

 So back in the early days of recovery last year,  I attended some relapse prevention sessions.  Also attending was a childhood schoolfriend.  Initially we supported each other in those early weeks, he had a blip and I went to his flat to chat and try to work things through But it was apparent that for him at that moment in time,recovery wasn't to be,whereas whilst I was struggling with abstinence, I was succeeding at it. Because I knew it was all or nothing for me, as this was my 3rd time with the Alcohol team, I had to make the decision to back off. It was doing me harm to be around the smell of alcohol, the slurred words which came with it. Whilst I didn't turn my back,  I didn't go back round to see him.  Occasional "you okay" in the Facebook messengers but pretty much that was that  Yesterday I found out he died last week,and died alone. The emotions have really overwhelmed me, sadness and mainly guilt.  I feel dreadful that he fell whereas I...