Its still worth a shot

So I'm going to kick-start this blog off from the moment I disclosed the relapse. I'm leaving up the other posts as a time line of my past success, evidence sobriety does happen and for me, a reminder of the struggle and reward that comes with abstinence because that's the goal I've set.

As an addict in relapse, I've been lucky to have so much love and support from friends near and far and family,for this I'm grateful because I have seen all too often the loneliness of addiction. 

What I've found quite common when I relapse is that friends/family have been upset that I didn't tell them personally I relapsed.

I think it's important to explain this from my point of view. 

My not telling my nearest and dearest doesn't diminish my feelings for these people. Addiction and Relapse makes me feel extremely vulnerable so I just prefer to let everyone know at the same time that I'm a ridiculous drunk.  I don't want to go person to person to admit my vulnerability.  I have no qualms sharing on social media as its good to share far and wide, like i do with everything else, and its good to address the stigma, I just don't want to tell people face to face. It's hard to look someone in the eye and tell them I've failed.

And to be honest what would you do with the information?:

"Hi Shaz, how are you?"

" Not good,last night I drank a bottle of wine and half a litre of gin" 

"Well stop it "

Or 

" You should have said"

"Why?"

"I could have helped"

"How?"


These are comments I've had for years and by no means are they of ill intent. But they are of no use. 

People feel helpless when they see their loved one/friend at their lowest ebb and obviously want to help. 

But unless you want to give me booze,it's best to button it 😊


And also I don't like the term "functioning alcoholic "

 Holding a job down and because I dont drink 24/7 or have withdrawal symptoms  doesn't mean I'm functioning.  It just means I'm doing what I need to do to buy booze to feed the addiction I have.  Just because I'm not on a park bench or in a detox unit does not make me any better than my compadres in addiction and does nothing to address the stigma around addiction.  It's an important issue.  Addiction is not one size fits all.

It's like me calling myself an alkie. I know it winds people up but that's because I don't fit the stereotype i suppose so it makes people feel uncomfortable.  However it's part of who I am and has been for decades.


Anyway those are the house rules sorted😊

Going forward, the referral to the alcohol team, and I've googled that I can't have Disulfiram again as I'm diabetic now. Rats. Foiled again!

Nect up is to find a SMART Recovery group I can attend.

Onward and outwards  🤟

Thank you for the love ❤️


 

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