Little bit narky

Not been a good day today.  I've been a right wassock. Very sensitive and very vocal in my grievances.  A bit OTT if I say so myself. Bit aggy. 

In truth I've been a messy pillarc. But I do understand why. 

This was talked about when I attended  Intuitive Recovery in the past.  It focuses on the addictive part of the brain.Its classed as an " animal brain" because it lacks control and functions only on need(in my case alcohol)
The thought process behind this, is that the other,stronger part of the brain is the human element , which should override the basic animal part of the brain.  Should. .

So anyway, when you decide to get sober,, that part of the brain which has always enjoyed addiction, goes into a panic mode. Because deep down, you( as in both parts of the brain) know it's going to end.  It's a very weird psychological response. Some say it's like a "fight or flight " response. I liken it to Kubler Ross' 5 stages of grief. Anger,denial,bargaining etc etc. 

Because what's happening is you're beginning a grief process of saying goodbye to something that's been such a large part of your life. That's just my opinion and feeling . Others may vary.

So I've been preoccupied a lot today and as such a bit on edge. And to the point of being noticed by my workmates. They're used to me being chill( or at least me hiding my annoyances better!😂)

Anyway I've asked it to be shared at work that I might be a knobhead for a little while.. more than normal anyway.

I've been looking at SMART Recovery as well, and there's a few online meetings so I'm going to try one of those next week.  

Other than that I'm awreet.  ❤️
Again thanks for reading/ignoring and pretending you've read it 😄😄

Onward and soberward 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Its still worth a shot

So I'm going to kick-start this blog off from the moment I disclosed the relapse. I'm leaving up the other posts as a time line of my past success, evidence sobriety does happen and for me, a reminder of the struggle and reward that comes with abstinence because that's the goal I've set. As an addict in relapse, I've been lucky to have so much love and support from friends near and far and family,for this I'm grateful because I have seen all too often the loneliness of addiction.  What I've found quite common when I relapse is that friends/family have been upset that I didn't tell them personally I relapsed. I think it's important to explain this from my point of view.  My not telling my nearest and dearest doesn't diminish my feelings for these people. Addiction and Relapse makes me feel extremely vulnerable so I just prefer to let everyone know at the same time that I'm a ridiculous drunk.  I don't want to go person to person to admit m...
Read more

Slowly turning a corner

I'm on the road to abstinence finally. Physically I've been working towards it the past few weeks but the important thing to me is being mentally in the zone. I can't and will never be abstinent if the old grey matter isn't with me on the ride.   But it's been so fking hard. I am by no means over Pepe, I was working on getting used to life without Bob but then Pepe and then I've had a recent incident with death which I've not really disclosed on here but to be fair,has fking traumatised me for quite a while.   I just feel like death is bloody following me around like it did in the film Final Destination and it's been hard to snap out of it.  I need to cut myself some slack, I know I do. There'll always be an excuse to drink if I give myself an excuse.  And whilst that seems harsh given the losses I've accrued,  my alcoholic brain hasn't half used it as an excuse to play havoc.  I've decided mentally that enough is enough otherwise I'l...
Read more