Tough days

Oh boy I'm tired. I've been run ragged with work and with Bob being really unwell. It's like I'm nursing 24 hours a day. I'm feeling I'm not catching a break and I've no longer got my crutch to support me with this stuff! I'm getting exhausted. There's been tears.

It's the first time I've really missed booze since I stopped drinking. In a way I'm glad though, that I really miss it. Because if I felt that I didn't miss it I'd be thinking my drink problem wasn't that bad. "Hey maybe one will  be OK after all... "

And that would just lead to all sorts of fuckwittery wouldn't it!🙄

I don't feel I'm craving alcohol but I do feel I'm pining for it, like the Norwegian Blue 🦜 pines for the fjords. 

Maybe that's craving? 

I'm still having PSI each Tuesday morning and in a couple of weeks I'm going on an Intuitive Thinking course which I believe is very intensive therapy which will give me the skills I need in life to keep abstinent.  

I need to put myself first though and that's hard with a very unwell Bob.  Can't just abandon him. Yet.  😏

But I also need to go home, I've not faced my biggest trigger yet; being home alone with no alcohol in the house.  I've been at Bob's with alcohol in the house and not been bothered by it, but I think that's because it's his booze and his house.  

One decision I have made this week is to contact university to seek another extension on my dissertation. I'm in no place to concentrate on academia right now. 

It's all FUBAR 

Down with feeling like this 👎


Also down with the fact that there's no left handed emoji for thumbs down! 


Comments

  1. Unknown30 October 2021 at 05:06

    You are doing so well with all that life throws at you day at a time xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz30 October 2021 at 13:03

      Thanks 😊 I'd like life to go easy on me for a change tho 🤣xxx

      Delete
  2. Emily W30 October 2021 at 06:06

    I'm so proud of you! I'm glad you are getting tested while you have a safe space of support instead of later because it is going to come either way. You can always call if you need a distraction or to vent. Caretaking for someone you love is so hard and after your full day... You have to take care of you too. Hugs to you and Bob. I hope he has a speedy recovery for both of your sakes. ❤️ xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz30 October 2021 at 13:04

      Aw thanks so much. Do need a chat. It's just currently my days off are sporadic. One off,3 in,one off,4 in.knackering xxx

      Delete
    2. Emily W1 November 2021 at 10:11

      Just call whenever free and/or if you need to vent. ❤️

      Delete
  3. Unknown30 October 2021 at 07:33

    You do need to look after yourself. Can someone else help Bob? Good idea to talk to someone at uni. As ever, here for you. 💗

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz30 October 2021 at 13:05

      Thanks so much 🥰 we're hoping he'll get money through to pay for carers xx

      Delete
  4. Unknown30 October 2021 at 08:25

    first off I did not know you guys knew about FUBAR! I thought that was just a this side of the pond expression LOL Second girl you are doing so great I am beyond proud of you. Addictions come in many shapes and forms and mine is food. Its my crutch to make things better. I am trying to leave the chocolates and chips alone and your an inspiration sister from another mister of mine. Its Hard having to deal with Bobs issues while dealing with your own I know but your doing it. Your so much more than your addiction and its hard to see past it right now because its so all encompassing in your life right now. But its gonna be so in the past soon that your gonna be wondering what the big deal was. Not that it will ever be gone or thats what my doc tells me but its just not going to have control over you anymore. love you Shazzy girl PEACE OUT!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz30 October 2021 at 13:09

      Aw I loves you. Thank you so much for your kind words! 😊🥰 addiction is a fucker! Re FUBAR, it only came to light over here in Saving Private Ryan 🤣🤣🤣 we don't say it. We generally say "a fucking balls up" xxx

      Delete
  5. Debbie30 October 2021 at 08:51

    Stay the road!!!!!! The friend I lost this week was from uncontrolled use of alcohol. He was not strong enough to face and beat down the demon on the other hand, you are!!! You reached out for help to stop and that was the first step. We are all here to help. You can reach out anytime!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz30 October 2021 at 13:09

      I'm so sorry for your friend. Huge massive hugs to you xxx

      Delete

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