Drained

 Things do not go well, psychologically. And emotionally.  

I find I've entered a grieving process.  For sure,  Kubler-Ross and the 5 stages certainly apply to me right now. 

I can't believe I'm so upset about being fking sober! I've felt proper down this past week or 2, and have taken to invariably sobbing and snotting on my work colleagues' uniforms (sorry!)

I literally feel bereft that I can't drink any more and that really pisses me off because there's people out there with real grief and I'm here through my own violation!

But grieving I am.  I got it all.

Anger: yeah,  I'm swearing like a fking fishwife and everyone is a C U Next Tuesday. I wrote the words Fuck Off down on 2 sides of A4 in an attempt to vent. Got nice writing for a lefty. Cursive, literally..

Denial: yeah my booze problem wasn't THAT bad.. there's people worse

Bargaining: PLEASEEEEE JUST ONE DRIIIINK I PROMISE NEVER TO DRINK 5 BOTTLES OF BRANDY A WEEK EVER AGAIN!

Depression: oh my days,  I'm fking low. I had an argument with Bob in the car and cried solid for 45 miles before having to pull into a service station to compose myself (and call him a twat)

Acceptance: nowhere near accepting sobriety right now. It's bastard bollocks!

Off to a psychic evening tonight. Maybe they can predict a sober life because I bloody can't right now. 

Pity party 2021 

Comments

  1. Emily W7 November 2021 at 11:10

    ❤️❤️ Keep doing things.. It will keep you distracted from all the heavy stuff up give your mind a break. You are a total Rockstar. You are not alone.. You have A HUGE cheering section on multiple continents. ❤️❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wendy S7 November 2021 at 11:15

    Own violation maybe - but don't mean the grief isn't legit. I cannot imagine doing what you re doing. Feckin' massive KUDOS to you.
    Keep strong chickadee - you CAN own this xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz9 November 2021 at 14:18

      You're so right Wendy.i need stop beating myself up xxxx

      Delete
  3. Debbie7 November 2021 at 12:07

    Take whatever stages you need!!!!! And, remember that a psychic is ONLY a storyteller; they are not a seer (one that sees the future). Don't ask her about your sobriety, that is your road to travel and not her's to tell you yes or no. :P

    ReplyDelete
  4. Unknown7 November 2021 at 16:16

    Shaz I feel your pain all the way over here across the pond and you have no idea how proud I am of you. This is no easy process girl and I know it. I have three brothers that are all drinking all day long and smoking pot and dont know what its like to be straight anymore. I dont think one of them has had a sober day since our mom passed in 1988. And look at all you have to look forward to, finishing your decertation and OMG becoming an Auntie to Kats baby and loving on him and teaching him how to drive his Mums crazy hahahahahah .You will be his favorite next to hims Mum :) Such a wonderful beautiful life coming up girl. My brothers rarely see the family because its so stressful, I dont know what this psychic is gonna say but I know she doesnt know the beast mode your going into to kick this thing and I know you will. Love you to the moon and back my Shazzy.....you got this!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz9 November 2021 at 14:15

      Aw thanks so much for those words! It really does mean a lot!xxxxx

      Delete

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