The square root of eleventy one

 Brain fog! That's what I've got going on right now.  

As my brain heals from the years of alcohol,  strange things afoot,kids!

I sound more pissed when I talk now than I did when I talked when I was pissed. I'm ... talking..slow and I'm also .... pausing.  This...is also noticeable... by everyone.. my concentration span is squirrel. It's weird! 

My brain thinks it knows what it wants to say,  it then tries to say it, but then it's like "wait, that's the wrong word! You just sit there with a silly look on your face whilst I try to think of the right word."

I've spoken to the alcohol team and my good friend in the know, and I'm reassured that this, whilst I might look like I'm trying to work out the square root of eleventy one, with an added facial expression of "oh! Did I leave the cooker on at home?!!!, is quite normal.

So my expressions within a conversation :🙂🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔😐🤔🤔🤔🤔😬🤔🤔🤔🤔

It's been noted by my work mate's and they're supportive 🥰

Bob though, he thinks I'm pissed when I'm on the phone to  him.  🤔🤔

Thiamine and vitamin B deficiency is very common in people with chronic alcohol issues.  Taking these supplements will help greatly. But omg the Thiamine tablets are minging 😄 it's like sucking on an oxo cube 🤢


Also has anyone worked out the square root of eleventy one yet?🤘

Comments

  1. Unknown13 November 2021 at 17:57

    not me girl but I gotta tell you your everyday recovery sounds like my old age brain. I very often have to stop for a minute to think of the right word to say because they fall out of my head on occasion. I take vitamine B on the regular and also many other vitamins my dr assures me I need to make my brain function correctly. I know your fighting a battle and I admire you for it so much. I wish my brothers were as brave and smart as you and would also sit that bottle down. But not everybody is as strong as you girl and all of us who love you know that you will come out the other side sooner than later and we cant wait!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz13 November 2021 at 18:08

      Aw thanks so much my friend. I get where your brothers are at. I was that for decades. It is what it is my friend. And the rock bottom needs to be reached before recovery starts. Keep loving your brothers, but also keep yourself emotional safe xxx

      Delete
  2. Debbie13 November 2021 at 18:35

    OK - I got all of that and you didn't stumble once. (I do that more now too with the seizures so...... but, what the hell is this?? Thiamine tablets are minging 😄 it's like sucking on an oxo cube I know what the Thiamine tables are but what does the rest of that mean??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz14 November 2021 at 03:23

      🤣🤣 so I guess minging is the same as grody. Something which taste awful. Am oxo cube is a beef bouillon cube. 😁

      Delete
  3. Emily W17 November 2021 at 05:19

    Hugs to you. You are so strong to work through all of this. I know it will be worth it. I'm impressed and in awe of your determination.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Its still worth a shot

So I'm going to kick-start this blog off from the moment I disclosed the relapse. I'm leaving up the other posts as a time line of my past success, evidence sobriety does happen and for me, a reminder of the struggle and reward that comes with abstinence because that's the goal I've set. As an addict in relapse, I've been lucky to have so much love and support from friends near and far and family,for this I'm grateful because I have seen all too often the loneliness of addiction.  What I've found quite common when I relapse is that friends/family have been upset that I didn't tell them personally I relapsed. I think it's important to explain this from my point of view.  My not telling my nearest and dearest doesn't diminish my feelings for these people. Addiction and Relapse makes me feel extremely vulnerable so I just prefer to let everyone know at the same time that I'm a ridiculous drunk.  I don't want to go person to person to admit m...
Read more

Little bit narky

Not been a good day today.  I've been a right wassock. Very sensitive and very vocal in my grievances.  A bit OTT if I say so myself. Bit aggy.  In truth I've been a messy pillarc. But I do understand why.  This was talked about when I attended  Intuitive Recovery in the past.  It focuses on the addictive part of the brain.Its classed as an " animal brain" because it lacks control and functions only on need(in my case alcohol) The thought process behind this, is that the other,stronger part of the brain is the human element , which should override the basic animal part of the brain.  Should. . So anyway, when you decide to get sober,, that part of the brain which has always enjoyed addiction, goes into a panic mode. Because deep down, you( as in both parts of the brain) know it's going to end.  It's a very weird psychological response. Some say it's like a "fight or flight " response. I liken it to Kubler Ross' 5 stages of grief. Anger,denial...
Read more

Slowly turning a corner

I'm on the road to abstinence finally. Physically I've been working towards it the past few weeks but the important thing to me is being mentally in the zone. I can't and will never be abstinent if the old grey matter isn't with me on the ride.   But it's been so fking hard. I am by no means over Pepe, I was working on getting used to life without Bob but then Pepe and then I've had a recent incident with death which I've not really disclosed on here but to be fair,has fking traumatised me for quite a while.   I just feel like death is bloody following me around like it did in the film Final Destination and it's been hard to snap out of it.  I need to cut myself some slack, I know I do. There'll always be an excuse to drink if I give myself an excuse.  And whilst that seems harsh given the losses I've accrued,  my alcoholic brain hasn't half used it as an excuse to play havoc.  I've decided mentally that enough is enough otherwise I'l...
Read more