Progress! Of sorts

 So following on from the last blog which was frankly a pity fest, there has been changes afoot.

I started taking Disulfiram, which is actually one of the most difficult things to do; not because its a big fuck off tablet; its not, but because with that medication in my system, there is nooooo way I'll be able to have any kind of "blip". And blips can be used as an excuse to drink. And I always looked for an excuse to drink.To me, "blip" is a red flag. 

So really, it's forced my hand into accepting abstinence BUT here is the weird part, I'm so glad it has done. Psychologically I have found abstinece easier since I've been on the meds, and the Naltrexone ensures I rarely crave a drink. 

In fact, I had my first birthday in over 30 years when I haven't had a drink. I was pleased because it didn't bother me at all. I bought some alcohol free wine and some absolutely minging alcohol free "spiced rum" 😞 with the thought that I'd want to have something to "celebrate" with. Didn't work out that way though. I was quite happy to just have one glass of  pretend wine and stick to brews all night. 

I assumed at the start of this new life that I'd replace booze with the non alcoholic version (thinking drinking) and I'm surprised that I haven't.

I've had a bottle of alcohol free fruit cider in the fridge for over 3 week. 

I just wish I could have been that way with alcohol but it just wasn't/isnt possible. I don't think I'm ready for non alcohol drinking session with alcohol drinking friends though; I think that is going to be a thing I can't do anymore. I currently can't envisage a time when I'll enjoy being in drinking establishments for a long period of time.

Past worries of my personality changing through sobriety haven't come to fruition; I'm still a comedy goddess/absolute barmpot *delete as appropriate.

Tolerence for bullshit is a lot less though, but that's not a bad thing. 

Big change in my uni work and not drinking though. Finding it very hard to write my essay not under the influence! I feel my concentration span is a lot less. Also quite stressed with the workload, hence my procrastination in updating my blog.

Also, I have started psychology sessions and we're going to be using EDMR which is:

"EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.
Research has demonstrated its benefits in treating psychological trauma arising from experiences as diverse as childhood sexual and/or physical abuse or neglect, natural disaster, war-related experiences, assault, surgical trauma, road traffic accidents and workplace accidents. 
EMDR is also increasingly used to help individuals with other issues, including phobias and OCD. "

We had a bit of a taster session today; turns out it's not good for my motion sickness- nearly vommed 👀 But there's ways around this which she is going to try out. 

This will be good for me when I do have to stop the meds, I reckon.  

 

So all in all, I'm good. (apart from the dissertation) 

Peace out ✌

Comments

  1. Fiona23 March 2022 at 12:09

    Fabulous post hun... I underwent some emdr a few years ago ... it rejigged my brain and put things where they should be .. kinda like when you defrag your computer. I hope you find it beneficial.. much love xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abstinent Shaz23 March 2022 at 12:15

      Thanks lovely! I'm looking forward to trying it xxxx

      Delete
  2. Emily W23 March 2022 at 12:28

    So happy for you! For focus.. Weekday about going for a walk? I do breaks and go for a walk (or a run back on school) now just a walk because of I have to come home and shower, I'll never get back to the report.. But a short walk a few times during a report helps me. I wouldn't worry too much about not hanging out at bars.. You just end up with your hair smelling like smoke and as I get older it is less enticing. Lots of cool people that are not drinking so I know you'll still get to have loads of fun and save lots of money! I'm really proud of you. I'm so interested in learning more about the eye movement thing. I started putting up with less bullshit after a head injury. Freaking awesome side effect. Hugs to you. Call when you can. ❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete

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