Better to be safe than sorry (AKA Relapse prevention)

 It's been  while since I updated my Blog. In truth I was going to end it, seeing as I'd finished with the alcohol team and achieved sobriety.  

Then I realised I needed to actually KEEP updating, due to being the maintenance zone of sobriety and that the support gained from the blogs is as imperative as it ever was if not more, 

So I'm going to keep on keeping on. 

I'm going to talk about Africa. 

Firstly I was really annoyed Toto forgot to bless those there rains. 

Secondly F U LOADSHEDDING!!! 👎

So down to the nitty gritty: 

When I made the decision to take Disulfiram(Antabuse) before I went away to Africa, I went through a range of emotions and thoughts, highlighted below:

1: You don't need to take them 

2:Have faith in yourself!

3: Take them

4:You're going to get pissed

5:nobody needs to know

6:nobody needs to know

7:nobody needs to know 

And the fact that the recurring thought that I had was that "Nobody would ever know "if I was to have a drink, was enough for me to reassess the situation. 

See the thing is, Yes, I've had the treatment and the therapy and I'm sober and I've been doing great. BUT, the moment that voice appears in my mind;( I call it Alcophrenia, myself. That voice which many an addict will have, urging them to use/drink again) I'm in my trigger zone.

My trigger zone is with airports and flying and holidays abroad. It is what it is and isn't a one size fits all. 

I have had 20 years of drinking at the airport, drinking on the plane. It's not a case of just going "ah I don't do that anymore". Not that simple. 

But recognising the trigger is imperative in Relapse Prevention. As is figuring out a strategy of how to cope with that trigger. 

I chose to take the Disulfiram. Absofukinglutely no way I'd be able to drink anyway.  I started taking it the week before I went away knowing that drinking on the plane would then be a no no. 

So of course I was quite surprised that whilst on the plane not once did it cross my mind to order a drink.  And of course that could be coz I know I cant drink on the meds.

However 4 days into the first week and one morning I took the med and my Alcophrenia reared its head and said :STOP THE MEDS! YOU CAN STILL HAVE A WEEK WHERE NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW!" 

So I was like "yeah fuck off, Alcoholic Me, you're not the boss of me! Gerald from the boat is currently the boss of me and he wants me to cart 30 fucking wetsuits on and off the bastard boat daily so you can piss of an' all thinking you can add to my woes!" 


But, I did actually stop to think did I need the meds now? And I really didn't. So I stopped them. 

And not one time did I even think about having a drink. And I spent A LOT of time by myself.

I had the best sober holiday ever 💕


And that is the thing about preventing a relapse. Pre-empt, Recognise, Find Solutions. 

That's not even an Africa only thing. It's a lifelong thing to anyone with an addiction. 

Would I do the same thing again? If it meant I didn't relapse, yes I would. 


My name is Shaz and I am a recovering alcoholic, currently in maintenance stage. 

And nailing it. 👌





Comments

  1. Unknown8 April 2023 at 19:28

    I hope that you'e as proud of you as I am. You deserve to know that feeling, you've earned it.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Its still worth a shot

So I'm going to kick-start this blog off from the moment I disclosed the relapse. I'm leaving up the other posts as a time line of my past success, evidence sobriety does happen and for me, a reminder of the struggle and reward that comes with abstinence because that's the goal I've set. As an addict in relapse, I've been lucky to have so much love and support from friends near and far and family,for this I'm grateful because I have seen all too often the loneliness of addiction.  What I've found quite common when I relapse is that friends/family have been upset that I didn't tell them personally I relapsed. I think it's important to explain this from my point of view.  My not telling my nearest and dearest doesn't diminish my feelings for these people. Addiction and Relapse makes me feel extremely vulnerable so I just prefer to let everyone know at the same time that I'm a ridiculous drunk.  I don't want to go person to person to admit m...
Read more

Little bit narky

Not been a good day today.  I've been a right wassock. Very sensitive and very vocal in my grievances.  A bit OTT if I say so myself. Bit aggy.  In truth I've been a messy pillarc. But I do understand why.  This was talked about when I attended  Intuitive Recovery in the past.  It focuses on the addictive part of the brain.Its classed as an " animal brain" because it lacks control and functions only on need(in my case alcohol) The thought process behind this, is that the other,stronger part of the brain is the human element , which should override the basic animal part of the brain.  Should. . So anyway, when you decide to get sober,, that part of the brain which has always enjoyed addiction, goes into a panic mode. Because deep down, you( as in both parts of the brain) know it's going to end.  It's a very weird psychological response. Some say it's like a "fight or flight " response. I liken it to Kubler Ross' 5 stages of grief. Anger,denial...
Read more

Slowly turning a corner

I'm on the road to abstinence finally. Physically I've been working towards it the past few weeks but the important thing to me is being mentally in the zone. I can't and will never be abstinent if the old grey matter isn't with me on the ride.   But it's been so fking hard. I am by no means over Pepe, I was working on getting used to life without Bob but then Pepe and then I've had a recent incident with death which I've not really disclosed on here but to be fair,has fking traumatised me for quite a while.   I just feel like death is bloody following me around like it did in the film Final Destination and it's been hard to snap out of it.  I need to cut myself some slack, I know I do. There'll always be an excuse to drink if I give myself an excuse.  And whilst that seems harsh given the losses I've accrued,  my alcoholic brain hasn't half used it as an excuse to play havoc.  I've decided mentally that enough is enough otherwise I'l...
Read more