Pressing the fuckit button

I pressed the fuckit button on Tuesday night.  It's been a long time coming.
No point focusing on what caused the fuckit button to be deployed. It's in the past.

Whole heap of excuses if I wanted to give them out but every single one of them comes down to me picking that bottle up. Sure, triggers are there, but its my choice to make bad choices.

The thing is,to talk about what enabling the fuckit button actually  achieved.

Well ,it reminded me that for me, alcoholism is a learned behaviour. 
I sat in the same spot on the couch in the same position with legs tucked under me, bottle at the side of the couch. In easy reach.

Old behaviours 

It wasn't even a nice evening. I was still lonely,upset, tired but with added bonus of being wankered!

I could have reached out to my SMART friends. But there was no chance I'd ring them and chat with a glass in my hand. I love and respect them x


But the thing about realpse prevention is do not focus on the negative

One should not feel any guilt,anger,sadness about any lapse.
.
And I'll tell you why,( as its common for well meaning non addictive friends to do this):

If you give an alcoholic(me) a chance to keep on the booze, i will keep on the booze. 
I absolutely will. Its like " woohoo!"

Well meaning verses such as " oh but you'd been doing so well though!"  are actually detrimental.
The fact I've had a drink doesn't cancel out what I've achieved so far. 

So don't say that stuff.  It is harmful. 

 Lapse doesn't mean a definite return to the old days of addiction.  It can be stopped as quick as it starts.
And we do that through meeting with others who are on the same journey. 

For me it's SMART Recovery. Every time.   Recovery is not a one size fits all , though.  And that's also OK 👍 



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